Written by: Mirella Barrera-Betancourt
I鈥檓 a hardcore pessimist, whether I intend to be or not. I have a tendency to see the worst in people before I ever begin to trust them, and I cringe at overly excessive exuberance and optimism.
However, the pessimist side of me once became excited at the prospect of university. I thought that the 鈥渃ollege experience鈥� 鈥� my college experience, to be precise 鈥� would be different from my high school experience.
I thought 鈥淭his is my chance to live life to the fullest,鈥� only for me to begin attending college well into the peak of the pandemic, with the musky scent of a dorm room in the sweltering heat of summer, no friends or acquaintances in town 鈥� besides my residential assistant, of course 鈥� to get ice cream downtown with and only the feeling of homesickness swirling around in my gut, essentially destroying my motivation and drive for the years to come.
Now, as I approach my fourth and final year of college, I have found myself in a pickle when it comes to feelings of joy and regret. While I am overjoyed at the thought of nearly being finished with my degree, I cannot help but question myself over whether I could have done more to make my college experience the best it could have been.
There are times when I will bolt upright on my bed and ponder if this is it 鈥� the college experience that is so glamorized and portrayed as a spiritual and mind-blowing adventure.
If the weekly assignments, research essays and exams 鈥� mixed in with my social anxiety and chronic pains frankly ill-suited for a person my age 鈥� were not enough to leave me stressed, I am constantly worrying about how I will afford to pay my remaining college expenses out of pocket. I do not remember that being a part of the college experience.
Moreover, I never had a reference to turn to in regards to the college experience, as the first person in my family to attend college. However, I wish that someone 鈥� anyone 鈥� had disclosed to me back as a senior in high school that the university experience is not at all sunshine and rainbows as it is portrayed out to be on social and mainstream media.
In my case, it is definitely not where you meet your lifelong friends, make your wildest memories and/or meet the love of your life. I have a hard time attempting to convince myself, but I am here to tell you that it is okay to not see your three or four years in college as the perfect, best years of your life.
I have the remainder of my 20s and 30s to live life to the fullest, as well as my 40s 鈥� and hopefully 50s.
Contact the author at howlnews@wou.edu
